Advice Part 1- Drinking

It will not come as a surprise to many, but in my 30 years of life, I have managed to gain ample experience in the consumption of alcoholic beverages. In the course of my indulgences, and after a few too many "what on EARTH happened last night?" moments, I have compiled the following pieces of drinking advice....

1. Do NOT, I repeat NOT, mix your drinks! This can only lead to disaster. Beer + wine + cocktails = massive mess. If drinking wine, do not mix red and white if possible.
2. Avoid cocktails. Especially if said cocktails are made by a friend with limited bar tending experience, and a liking for exotic ingredients.
3. If drinking cocktails, do not catch the bus home! Particularly if the bus route is long and windy and the driver is veering all over the road.
4. If drinking cocktails, and catching the bus home, make sure you have a bag handy in case you feel ill. Preferably NOT your handbag.
5. If drinking cocktails, and catching the bus home, and having had an accident with the handbag, do NOT put said hangbag and its contents (including mobile phone) in the washing machine.
6. If drinking cocktails, and catching the bus home, and having had an accident with the handbag and the washing machine, do not then take handbag to the dry cleaners. Or tell your mum what happened.