Advice Part 26- Avoiding photos when you're NOT photogenic

One thing I know only too well is that there are some people who always look AMAZING in photographs.

Even if you catch them from an angle which would be totally unflattering for any mere mortal, they manage to look great. The "camera loves them", so to speak.

I am NOT one of these people. 

Rather, if there was a contest for the least photogenic person on earth, the only serious contenders for the title would be me and my mother (sorry, Mum!).

No matter how hard I try (and trust me, I'm doing my best), in almost every photo I have:

• My eyes closed
• My mouth pulled into a horrible snarly grimace
• My hair flying crazily all over the place.

My advice for young players is that if you, too, are TOTALLY unphotogenic, it is best to develop some (not too) subtle techniques for avoiding the camera.

Here's a few examples from a wedding I attended recently. As we all know, weddings are one event where almost everyone is running around with their photography equipment. This provides a MAJOR challenge for the camera shy......But, as these photos "of me" show, it is possible to (almost) avoid having your picture taken! This can be accomplished by:

1.  Hiding on the edge of the photo (that's me in the pink spotty skirt....)

 2. Concealing yourself behind a tall gentleman in a purple shirt

3. Making good use of an umbrella (that's me closest to the camera).

However, if all this fails, and you simply CANNOT avoid having your photo taken, there is always the "back turning" option, as I am illustrating here at another party:

And no, I am NOT ready for my close up, Mr DeMille.....

Advice Part 25- Leg waxing

Aah, October. Summer is finally just around the corner.....

• Daylight saving is here. 
• The electric blanket and quilt have been put away.
• The "sweat towel" is now a necessary yoga accessory.
• And shorter skirts are looking like a very real possibility. 

But this can only mean one thing.....the dreaded LEG WAX!

My advice for young players is that if you MUST subject yourself to this experience, it is best to realise that it is likely to be both painful and VERY awkward.....

Case in point. Last Friday, it was about 30 degrees, and I felt very tempted to wear a skirt. However, glancing down at my legs, I saw they were covered with horrible, thick black hair.

NOT attractive.

Hence, I gathered my courage and rang up the beautician to book in for that afternoon.

For those who have never had their legs waxed, there are few things more humiliating. After removing (most of) your clothes, and donning the obligatory gown, you lie there on the bed, listening to the "soothing" music, whilst the beautician drips scorching hot wax on your thighs, then RIPS it off, taking the hairs with it.

This process continues for around 20 minutes.

But the most bizarre part of the whole waxing experience is that whilst you are being subjected to these indignities, you are also expected to carry on a "relaxed" conversation with the beautician about topics such as how busy you are at work, what you're doing at the weekend, and how your Spanish lessons are going.

This is almost IMPOSSIBLE when you're trying not to yelp in pain.

Winter, long pants, and radical feminism suddenly seem much more appealing.....

Advice Part 24- Job Interviews

If I were to construct a list of "things which scare the proverbial living daylights out of me", job interviews would be Number 1.

No contest.

My advice for young players is that if you are invited to a job interview, TRY to keep your nervousness under control.....And work out IN ADVANCE who you are going to look at.....

Case in point. A few weeks ago, I went to a job interview at a university. This was my first interview for an academic position.

To say I was anxious is putting it mildly. VERY mildly. And that was before I even reached the interview......

And, let me assure you, my nervousness was turned up to 11 (note Spin̈al Tap reference) when I entered the room to "meet the panel."

Perhaps it's just me, but I regard interview panels as the thumb screws of the interview torture chamber....(how's that for a creative metaphor?). My BIG problem is that I never know who to look at:

• the person who asked the question?
• the other panel members?
• no one?
• everyone?

Consequently, I found my head spinning around like a top. Or one of those clowns at the fun fair where you have to put the ball in their mouth.

And, to make matters worse, I was also trying to sound:

• intelligent
• interesting AND
• confident

Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

But at least my neck got more exercise in those 15 minutes than it has in years.

Advice Part 23- Dating a particular "type"

One thing which has ALWAYS puzzled me is the realisation that a lot of people tend to habitually go out with a particular "type" of partner.

Their current partner looks just like their former partner, who looks just like the person they went out with before that. And you can bet your bottom dollar that if their current relationship breaks up, it is likely that their new paramour will be a mirror image of the person they are with at the moment.....

My advice to young players is that if you are in this group, and have a particular "type", it is probably a good idea to expand your horizons (at least every now and again!)

How do I know this? Because I, unfortunately, am in the "type" group.

For some BIZARRE reason (and I quite literally have NO IDEA why), I tend have a strange fascination for men with:

• Brown hair
• Brown eyes
• Glasses

(Laugh all you like, but yes, I do think Greg Combet is attractive....)

This concerns me, because I don't like to think of myself as being shallow or appearance focused. But I do find that I am naturally drawn towards men who look like this.....(Although, let me just add, I very often change my evaluation of people after speaking to them- so never fear!)

And I don't think I'm the only one with such preferences. I have a friend who likes men with red hair. And my uncle's last three girlfriends were virtually identical.

All I can say is that I hope not everyone has a "type", as I think it is VERY unlikely that anyone's "type" is going to be women with short frizzy hair and glasses!