Hence, my advice to young players is that you should NEVER believe that your credulity has been stretched to its absolute limits, because, more than likely, there's something even more bizarre out there......
What do I mean by this? Read on.....
On Tuesday, my boyfriend, "Ricardo", had a blocked ear. He went to the medical centre to have it syringed, but the nurse didn't know what to do. Instead of heating the water up (first rule of syringing), she decided that cold would suffice, and proceeded to attack the unfortunate Ricardo's eardrum with her icy jet. Needless to say, this only made the ear worse.
By Wednesday, Ricardo couldn't hear out of his troublesome ear, but he decided to come along to Spanish class that night anyway. Needless to say, he wasn't able to hear very much, and in the break, when the classroom was empty, he went up to the teacher, Julio, to explain what had happened.
At this point, I should tell you that our teacher is, err, "a bit odd." Understatement of the century, as I've recently discovered....
The following conversation ensued:
- Ricardo: Hi Julio, I just wanted to explain why I haven't been speaking in class today. My ear is blocked, and I'm having trouble hearing.
- Julio: That's no good. Have you been to the doctor?
- Ricardo: Yes, the nurse syringed it, but it hasn't helped.
- Julio (thoughtfully): Interesting. It didn't help at all?
- Ricardo: No. It made it worse. The wax is all built up inside the canal.
- Julio (decisively): I don't think it's wax in there. If it was, it would have come out at the doctor's surgery. No. It's clear to me that you have an evil spirit in your ear. It's obviously built a home in there, and when the doctor tried to flush it away, it decided to hang on even tighter. That's why it's so sore.
- Ricardo (gaping): Err, right.
- Julio (starting to become very animated): Yes, there's definitely a demon in there. Or some sort of bad spirit. And it's in a very dangerous position, so close to your brain. You're going to have to do something quickly to get rid of it, before it tries to take over. I am a spiritual healer. I can help you to exorcise it for a very cheap price.
Julio then waved his arms near Ricardo's head, as a bit of a spiritualism try-before-you-buy and asked if Ricardo could "feel the demon struggling." Ricardo decided it was best to agree, and nodded gingerly. Obviously believing he'd won the unfortunate Ricardo over, Julio gave him his business card (Julio Lopez, Spiritual Cleansing Service) and urged him to call ASAP.
Needless to say, Ricardo has decided not to take up his offer. But if we're ever in the market for an exorcist, we know where to go.......Though god knows how I'll ever be able to keep a straight face in Spanish class again.
