This fills me with absolute horror, because I am REPULSED by blood tests. Yes, I do have diabetes, and I see my own blood every day. But taking a minute finger prick sample is VERY different to having your unfortunate veins assaulted and robbed of tubes of the stuff.
My advice to young players is that if, like me, a visit to the pathology lab makes you feel sick to the stomach, there are a few small tricks that you can use to survive this experience intact.
How do I know this? Read on....
This week, I wasn't feeling too well, so off I trotted to the GP to see if she could find out what was wrong. I explained my symptoms in great detail, and launched into a discussion of my tiredness and lack of will. The following conversation ensued:
- Her: Hmm. It sounds like it could be an iron deficiency.
- Me: Oh right. Should I just restart the iron tablets?
- Her: No, no. I'd like you to have a blood test first. Here, I'll write you a request. And we'll get a few other things checked at the same time.
These were just the words I didn't want to hear. Not only a SINGLE blood sample, but MULTIPLE TUBES would be taken.
To steal Joseph Conrad's line "The horror! The horror!"
So, off I went to the pathology lab this morning. And here's my advice for surviving.....
- DO NOT go to the pathology lab as soon as it opens! It will be chockers with people who are doing fasting blood tests. Unless you have to do one of these, wait until later when there's less people.
- Try to minimise the amount of time you spend in the waiting room, as it will just make you nervous. Especially if there are children having blood samples taken, and you can hear their shrieking....
- DO NOT LOOK when the pathology person inserts the needle and takes the blood!!!!! I can't emphasise this enough!!!!!
- If you begin to hear your heart beating in your ears, this is a BAD SIGN that you are about to pass out. If you feel like you are about to faint, then ask the person if you can lie down.
- After the pathology collector (aka "the vampire") has taken your blood, you will have to look at the tubes, and potentially touch them, to check that they have your details right. I find this part particularly gross, especially if the tubes are warm from the blood (yuk, yuk, YUK!!!)
I'm going to have to stop here, because I am starting to feel ill just writing this stuff.
All I can say is, if anyone can invent a machine that analyses blood without needing to take a sample, I will be your biggest fan.
