Advice Part 50- Why you should go to the movies at midday

So, with the end of part time work (and all the pleasures that that entails) almost upon me, I have come to reflect upon what I will REALLY miss.

And, I hate to admit it, but top of my list is that I won't be able to go to the movies at 11a.m. or thereabouts.........

Sad, I know.

My advice to young players is that if you have the opportunity to go to the cinema during the week, in the middle of the day, avail yourself of this chance, as it is IMMENSELY more enjoyable than fighting the masses on the weekend.

How do I know this? Read on.....

Today, as I didn't have too much to do (besides a stats report and a whole lot of qualitative analysis- but we won't mention that at the present.....) I decided to go to the movies. I checked the paper, and there was a session showing at 1:15pm. Bonus!

What's so good about watching movies in the middle of the day? Where do I start?!

Because most people are at work, the cinema is likely to be pretty empty. 10 people is a BIG session. This means that you can sit where you want, and have lots of space to yourself.

Due to the fact that the midday movie demographic tends to be older, there usually aren't too many chronic texters in the audience (although that's not to say there's never any!)

• If you are clever in choosing your days, you can usually get cheap tickets.
• You don't have to line up for ages to buy your ticket/go to the bathroom/sample the delights of the "candy bar"
• If, like me, you often go to the movies BY YOURSELF (shock, horror!), you won't feel like a social pariah, as almost everyone else there is similarly solo. Unlike on Saturday night, where turning up by yourself is, err, rather rare.
• Maybe it's just me, but I tend to fall asleep REALLY easily when I go to the movies at night. But if I go at, say, 12 noon, I'm feeling full of verve and vigour!

OK, so I sound about a hundred years old writing this. And I'm not going to refuse an evening trip to the cinema. But I'm also not going to say no if someone wants to head off to see a film at 10a.m......

Advice Part 49- Rom Com clichés....

I would like to think of my taste in films as being sophisticated and worldly. But every so often, I engage in a bit of cinematic mind candy in the form of romantic comedies, or "rom coms."

Any credibility I may have had has just been obliterated, I know.

But in the process of my rom com watching, I have started to notice that many of these films have an eerie sense of similarity about them, and almost invariably contain a "Hotel Room Mishap".

My advice to young players is, if you are ever in the position of writing a rom com, whatever you do, DON'T include a Hotel Room Mishap scene!

So, you may be asking, what exactly does a Hotel Room Mishap involve? Ask no more!

• The rom com couple, let's call them Mr A (typically played by Ryan Reynolds, Jake Gyllenhaal, or similar) and Ms B (think Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan), meet.
• Although they clearly fancy the pants off each other, there is some impediment to their getting together (such as- Mr A is dating Ms B's best friend; Ms B is Mr A's boss; Mr A is training for the priesthood).
• There is a significant amount of Unresolved Sexual Tension (UST).

• For some reason (work conference, friend's wedding), Mr A and Ms B are required to go to another city for a period.
• And stay the night.
• But when they rock up to the hotel, there has been a mistake (!). Instead of booking two separate rooms, they have been booked to stay in THE SAME ROOM (!!). And, surprise surprise, there are no extra single rooms available (!!!). And there's only ONE BED in the room (!!!!)

• Mr A gallantly offers to sleep on the floor or couch, but circumstances transpire (e.g. the bathroom floods and wets the floor; Mr A has too much to drink) so that he and Ms B have to share the bed.
• Sexual tension is resolved.

OK, so this set up can be "amusing", especially if a Shower Mishap Scene (where Ms B stumbles on Mr A in the shower, or vice versa) is included, too.

But SURELY there is some other way of getting the couple into a bed together than ENDLESSLY repeating this same old scene?

Or am I expecting too much?

Advice Part 48- Buying concert tickets

So, if you are anything like me, you will sporadically feel the urge to spend an insane amount of money going to see your preferred "artistes" perform. And there's nothing wrong with that. Far from it.

However, my advice to young players is that actually obtaining tickets to said concerts tends to be a torturous process, and that it is best to prepare yourself for hours of frustration.

How do I know this? Read on.....

Last week, I was thrilled to discover that PRINCE will be touring Australia this year. And, naturally, I was keen to go. Yes, I like Prince- laugh all you like, but who can resist a pint-sized gentleman in bizarre attire singing suggestive songs?

Tickets went on sale this morning at 9 a.m.

In the good old days, if you wanted to ensure you got good concert tickets, you would sleep outside the ticket office overnight, ready to storm the counter the second it opened.

But the internet changed all that. And NOT for the better.....

At 8:55a.m. this morning, I jumped online, and prepared to buy my ticket. Easy, right? WRONG!

Because everyone else on the entire planet seemed to have the same idea, the server crashed, and I couldn't get on. Then, when I finally did manage to reach the website, I was put in a "ticket queue" for an interminable time (as I had to wait for other people to Gett Off- ha ha, note song lyric reference?).

When I eventually reached the correct page at 9:45a.m., a second show had just been announced, which meant a new flurry of activity, and the website slowing down even more. Bloody hell.

It was 10a.m. before bought my ticket.

Right up the back.

During this time I had gained another ten grey hairs, further reducing my chances of Prince one day asking me to be his back up dancer (that is a joke, OK).

But let me assure you, when I get to the concert, I'm going to party like it's 1999 (sorry, that was REALLY bad).

Advice Part 47- Coffee

As we all know, it is difficult to avoid the barrage of government advertising warning us of the dangers of consuming cigarettes and alcohol. Cigarette packets are emblazoned with such "subtle" messages as "smoking kills", whilst alcohol ads have the obligatory "enjoy responsibly" on the bottom.

But this got me thinking.....if the government is so concerned about preventing the imbibing of "dangerous" and "addictive" substances, then surely they should also be putting warnings on coffee shops....

Shouldn't they?????

My advice to young players is that you should approach coffee with caution, as you may soon find yourself with an expensive habit....

How do I know this? Read on....

I had my first cup of coffee when I was about 15, and HATED it. This was probably because it was instant coffee, brewed in my parents' abode, but whatever the reason, I loathed the taste, and couldn't understand what the fuss was about.

But 4 years later, I decided to try it again, and found it much more palatable. I subsequently developed a once a week coffee habit.

Then once a day.

Then twice a day.

Then (in the deepest, darkest months of thesis writing) up to four times a day.

Oh dear.

As I was purchasing all of my coffee at cafes, this habit was VERY expensive, and during the worst of my addiction, I was spending well over $50 a week on my caffeine consumption.

So I tried to give up. But after 3 days of headaches, jitters, and massive withdrawal symptoms, I was soon back at the cafe, gagging for my caffeine fix.

I'm now down to one or two cups a day, which is at least within the bounds of affordability. But if someone decides to invent caffeine patches, to wean oneself off the demon liquid, please let me know!