This has necessitated a few changes to my typical Friday night routine. Now, rather than heading to the pub, I am more likely to be found doing my grocery shopping.
Thrilling, I know.
My advice to young players is that this has NOT been a bad thing- rather, late night grocery shopping is often more fascinating that ANYTHING you'll see in a bar.
Case in point. Last Friday, at 9:45pm, I realised I had yet to do my shopping, and so I headed up the road to Franklins to buy some milk and eggs. I then joined the queue to pay.
All was fine and dandy.
But then a- how do I say it?-"somewhat inebriated" elderly gentleman entered the store. He lurched down the first aisle, and began a swerving journey towards the rear of the shop.
Five minutes later, I felt a shove in the back, as the elderly drunk pushed past me, and made a lunge for the exit. He had clearly decided that he couldn't be bothered lining up and paying, and had simply shoved a whole collection of chocolate bars down his T-shirt.
And he wasn't just stealing one or two. He must have had AT LEAST 20 in there.
Needless to say, this didn't go unnoticed, and the following conversation ensued.
- Cashier One (yelling to Cashier Two): Hey, Josh! Stop this guy! He's stealing stuff!
- Cashier Two (looking a bit frightened): Umm, sure. (Addressing the drunk) Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what you have up your shirt?
- Drunk (inaudible muttering, then....): Nothing!!!
- Cashier One (getting very excited): He's lying, Josh! He's lying!
- Cashier Two: Sir, I can see a chocolate bar poking out of your shirt. And why have you got your arms folded like that?
- Drunk: (expletives aplenty)
- Cashier Two (pleading): Come on, sir. Please. What have you got up your shirt?
- Drunk (triumphantly): Nothing! I'm having a baby! I'm pregnant!
- Cashier Two (shocked silence, then.....): I am so happy for you. And you have come to the right place-I'm a doctor, and I'm going to deliver your baby! Ooh, I can see it coming out now!
At this stage, he approached the drunk, who looked completely horrified. The light fingered gent promptly let go of his bundle, and made a run for the exit, as the chocolate bars cascaded out of his shirt.
I definitely know where I'll be going for Friday night entertainment in future.
Wow, that's entertaining and educational.
ReplyDeleteAlso just the right thing to scare you off drinking while you're planning to abstain...
...although that would be somewhat misleading, because if he was serious about drinking, he'd still be in the pub until well after the supermarket had closed, so alcohol might have been a factor, but could not be the root cause of his behaviour.
Hello Beaver!
ReplyDeleteYes, the events of Friday night definitely provided me with added impetus to abstain (although I will admit that I did have a drink on Saturday. Hmm!
Good point about him not being a serious drinker if he was in the supermarket, and not the pub. But then again, the supermarket closed at 10pm, and there's no other shops around the area, so perhaps this was his last minute, desperate effort to get some food before it shut? And he could always go back to the pub later....