Advice Part 43- How to behave on holidays

With my long-awaited trip to Spain almost upon me (I leave tomorrow night!), now seems an opportune time to pass on some handy advice on what sort of behaviour is (or isn't) appropriate when travelling to a foreign land.

My advice to young players is that if you are overseas, and are suddenly swept up in a wave of Australian patriotism, it is best to resist this urge, and instead head back to your hotel for a quiet night.

How do I know this? Read on.....

When I was 23, I went on a trip to South East Asia. Being a far from adventurous traveller (nothing much has changed here!), I decided to book a small group tour. And by a weird twist of fate, all the other members of the group were from Australia and New Zealand.....

Hmm.

All went well (or as well as it could, given that the humidity was about 110%, and there wasn't a day under 35 degrees) until the final evening of the tour, when Sam (one of the guys in the group) suggested we all go on a "wild Aussie/Kiwi night out" in Chiang Mai.

Oh dear.

This is what happened:

• We got attired in our  "Aussie tourist wear". This consisted of $3 "Same same but different" T-shirts bought from the markets, shorts and thongs.

• Sam flagged down two tuk tuks, and asked the drivers if they would engage in a race down the main street of Chiang Mai, bribing them with "danger money" if they agreed. Which they did. 

• Following a terrifying ride, we screeched to a halt outside a cheap pub, which had just closed for the night.
• In a show of Western cultural imperialism, we proceeded to gesture frantically through the window, so that the owner would re-open the establishment. Which they did.
• Instead of ordering beers or something equally easy, it was resolved that we all have Long Island Iced Teas, which take an ETERNITY to make. Especially when there's 12 people waiting.....

• In the final coup de grâce, one of the other members of the group requested the owner of the pub put on Khe Sanh (I shudder even writing this!) so that we could sing along with Barnesy and make TOTAL idiots of ourselves. 

All we needed for a REALLY yobbo-ish (yobbish???) night out was an Australian flag to wear as a cape, and a few XXXXs.

Let me assure you, I won't be taking any such items to Spain.