This has necessitated a few changes to my typical Friday night routine. Now, rather than heading to the pub, I am more likely to be found doing my grocery shopping.
Thrilling, I know.
My advice to young players is that this has NOT been a bad thing- rather, late night grocery shopping is often more fascinating that ANYTHING you'll see in a bar.
Case in point. Last Friday, at 9:45pm, I realised I had yet to do my shopping, and so I headed up the road to Franklins to buy some milk and eggs. I then joined the queue to pay.
All was fine and dandy.
But then a- how do I say it?-"somewhat inebriated" elderly gentleman entered the store. He lurched down the first aisle, and began a swerving journey towards the rear of the shop.
Five minutes later, I felt a shove in the back, as the elderly drunk pushed past me, and made a lunge for the exit. He had clearly decided that he couldn't be bothered lining up and paying, and had simply shoved a whole collection of chocolate bars down his T-shirt.
And he wasn't just stealing one or two. He must have had AT LEAST 20 in there.
Needless to say, this didn't go unnoticed, and the following conversation ensued.
- Cashier One (yelling to Cashier Two): Hey, Josh! Stop this guy! He's stealing stuff!
- Cashier Two (looking a bit frightened): Umm, sure. (Addressing the drunk) Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what you have up your shirt?
- Drunk (inaudible muttering, then....): Nothing!!!
- Cashier One (getting very excited): He's lying, Josh! He's lying!
- Cashier Two: Sir, I can see a chocolate bar poking out of your shirt. And why have you got your arms folded like that?
- Drunk: (expletives aplenty)
- Cashier Two (pleading): Come on, sir. Please. What have you got up your shirt?
- Drunk (triumphantly): Nothing! I'm having a baby! I'm pregnant!
- Cashier Two (shocked silence, then.....): I am so happy for you. And you have come to the right place-I'm a doctor, and I'm going to deliver your baby! Ooh, I can see it coming out now!
At this stage, he approached the drunk, who looked completely horrified. The light fingered gent promptly let go of his bundle, and made a run for the exit, as the chocolate bars cascaded out of his shirt.
I definitely know where I'll be going for Friday night entertainment in future.
