Advice Part 63- My wine bar fantasy

One of my worst traits (and yes, there are many bad ones) is that I have a REAL problem with my endless pursuit of “wild flights of fancy” and “hare-brained schemes.”

In the past year, for example, I have SERIOUSLY considered

a)      Hosting a Pedro Almodóvar film festival

b)      Moving to Spain to teach English

c)       Quitting my job and writing a novel

My advice to young players is that idle daydreaming is all very well and good, but it’s best to realise that sometimes, fantasies are best left in the ethereal realm....

How do I know this? Read on....

A few months ago, I was walking through my suburb when I saw that a shop was up for lease. And, needless to say, my imagination immediately began running riot. This was the ABSOLUTELY PERFECT opportunity for me to OPEN MY OWN, PRIVATE BAR! Just think of it.....

• I wouldn’t need to commute to work- I’d just walk up the street.
• I could have a few drinks ON THE HOUSE and not have to catch a cab home.
• I would never have to worry about horrible music, as I’d be controlling the tunes
• I’d have a legitimate excuse for foraging around in second hand shops, searching for furniture
• AND I could spend DAYS coming up with a suitably witty name for the establishment

I got so excited about this that (I hate to say it) I actually contacted the real estate agent, asking how much the rent was.

It was only then that I started to realise that this was an absolutely ridiculous plan because....

• I don’t have any money
• The rent was $65,000 a year (plus costs). And that’s not even considering the money needed for hiring staff, fitting the place out, and ordering stock
• I have NEVER worked in a bar, so I’d have no idea how to make even the simplest drink
• I am not a “night person”, which is a bit of a problem if your establishment’s key trading hours are in the evening
• AND last (but not least) I wasn’t able to think of a single witty name, let alone a selection....

Consequently, the wine bar was placed on the proverbial “back burner.”

But I’m confident in the knowledge that in a few months, I’ll probably have another equally impractical and unachievable mission occupying my time.....

Advice Part 46- Taxi Drivers

On my Spanish sojourn, I have frequently had a large distance to travel from the bus/train stop to my hotel. Consequently, I have had ample recourse to make use of providores of personal automotive services.

Otherwise known as "taxi drivers."

My advice to young players is that taxi drivers are an unusual species, and are best approached with considerable caution.

How do I know this? Read on....

On Friday, I wanted to catch a taxi from Granada train station to the city centre, a distance of about 3km. I flagged down a cab, mumbled my destination in my (VERY poor Spanish), and off we went.

I imagined that it would be a fast and stress-free journey.

Not so.

My driver was one of those gentlemen who LOVE to chat. He opened by commenting on the hot weather, to which I gave a non-committal reply. Then he moved on to asking me about where I had been with my suitcase.

At this stage, I told him that I couldn´t speak (much) Spanish, which I assumed would stop the barrage.

But no. If anything, it just made him talk MORE. All I had to do was stay awake, and nod occasionally, and he seemed delighted. I guess having a captive audience, especially one who couldn´t disagree with him, was ideal.

Consequently, on the ten minute trip, I learnt about

• the Granada bullfighting season; 
• the best place to buy ice cream in town; 
• which architectural styles the driver particularly liked;
• why drivers of big buses are crazy; and
• that Granada is the best city in Spain.

When I tried to contribute, and tell him that the city was indeed beautiful, he became quite annoyed, and insisted I be quiet because he wouldn´t be able to finish talking before we reached our destination.

At this stage, I realised that resistance was futile, and just shut up.

Unfortunately, this isn´t the first "unusual taxi driver" incident I´ve had. In fact, it pales into insignificance compaired to some of the trips I´ve taken in Sydney (but that´s another story entirely.....)

All I can say is, thank god it was only a 10 minute trip. And I guess I should be glad it wasn´t Robert De Niro driving....

Advice Part 45‐ Why you shouldn't trust your guidebook

If you are anything like me, when you go to a place that you´ve never been before, you may find yourself heavily relying on your mass produced tourist guidebook, which amusingly promises to reveal all the secret places “off the beaten track” which no one has ever discovered before.

No one, that is, apart from the other million or so people who have also bought the book.


Yes, Lonely Planet, I'm looking at you.

But my advice for your players is that you shouldn't bother trusting your guidebook, as most of the advice given is pretty unreliable anyway.


How do I know this? Read on.....


Last week, I was in Jerez, and I decided to go on a day trip to Cadiz. I took my guidebook along with me, and got it out on the train.

I soon realised that the couple sitting opposite me were quite interested in what I was doing, and the lady asked if she could have a look at the guide.


“Sure, no worries” I replied, and handed over the book.


The woman then opened up the page on Jerez, and had a look at the restaurant and cafe recommendations. 


And burst out laughing.


The following conversation ensued....

• Lady (reading from guidebook): “Visitors to Jerez should first visit Restaurant X on Y street”
• Man: “Ha ha ha! NO ONE would eat there.”
• Lady: “I know! But then it recommends Restaurant Z if you want a romantic night”
• Man: “Romantic? That's ridiculous. Do they mention Restaurant A?”
• Lady: “No.”
• Man: “Restaurant B?”
• Lady: “No.”
• Man: “This book is terrible” (turning to me). “I've lived in Jerez for years, and no local would ever go to those places. Only tourists. Who've read this book." 
• Me: “Hmmm. Thanks.”

To be honest, this didn't exactly strike me as a surprise. I've followed a few guidebook recommendations before, and found them totally unsatisfying. But it was good to have confirmation of what I had long suspected.


Next time I leave my hotel, the guidebook is NOT coming with me.