Sunday 15 July 2012

Advice Part 61- "Witty" banter

There are few things I enjoy more than going down to the local cafe every afternoon to get my obligatory skinny flat white. However, since I have become a "regular" (i.e. someone who doesn't have to say their order, because the barista knows exactly what I'll be having), this pleasant interlude has taken on a more stressful vibe.

Why? Two words. Witty. Banter.


My advice for young players is that it is all well and good being friendly with your local cafe folk, but just be aware of the risks of venturing into "banter territory."

How do I know this? Read on....

A few months ago, I started working in a new place. And naturally, one of the first things I did was to find a purveyor of caffeinated beverages near my place of employment.


In choosing a new cafe, these are the criteria I used:
  • Coffee tastes good i.e. barista actually knows what they're doing.
  • Reasonable price. No more than $3 for take-away.
  • No more than 5 minutes walk from work
  • Attractive staff

Anyway, after a lengthy process which entailed my visiting four potential "locals", I made my decision.

All was fine and dandy at first. Until the regular barista decided that I was "banter-able."

The following conversation now tends to ensue with unfortunate regularity....
  • Barista (grinning): Sooooooo, how's your day going, my dear?
  • Me (pretending to be absorbed in the newspaper): Err, alright
  • Barista: Only alright? That's not what I want to hear.
  • Me (trying desperately to think of something witty): Yes, well.....(having a brain wave) How's your day going?
  • Barista: Oh, you know. Better now you're here, ha ha!
  • Me (trying to look "flattered"): Hmm. Yes. Well. Thanks (Frantically searching for smart quips in deepest depths of brain). Hey, why aren't you wearing your favourite hat today?
  • Barista: I have to give the brain a bit of air. Do you like me better with my hat? I always like to please the ladies, you know (big wink)
  • Me: Erm.....


This sort of "banter" occurs EVERY DAY now. Although it's even worse on Mondays and Fridays, when I have to endure some "witticisms" about my weekend.

And it drives me mental!

I'm all for a bit of small talk, but this sort of exchange leaves me totally floored. I have NO IDEA what to say, as my organ of wit seems to have shriveled and died.

If it ever existed in the first place.....

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6 comments:

  1. Beaver16 July 2012 at 01:30

    I think it's an opportunity to practice your smalltalk. You'll need to deal with these kind of people in other areas of your life, but in this instance, you have 2 huge advantages. 1. You can bail on the conversation at any time, 2. you can rock up again the next day and try again.

    I'm not great at smalltalk either it's like "so, what's happening" and I'm like "everything's happening, coz it's the new financial year, and I've just been doing my taxes, and I really dig the e-tax app, coz it seems to be laid-out in a really logical fashion. It's so awesome how it pulls down your bank interest and your dividends, but you've got to check up on them, coz my telstra ones didn't show up..."

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  2. A Lady of Leisure16 July 2012 at 16:26

    Hello Beaver! Thanks for your comment- it is always nice to know that I have one reader of my blog. Besides my mum, of course (hello, Mum!).

    I must admit, I'm not so great with smalltalk- I can usually manage if I'm at a party, and there's easy questions to ask e.g. "How do you know the host?", "Have you been here before?", "What else have you been doing today?" But with the barista, there aren't such cues available- I have to think up something completely new to talk about every day! And my brain is just lacking in such creativity.....Hence, the bailing. And the discussions about his hats.

    I'm really going to have to have my best banter on this afternoon, as the chef at the cafe has made pumpkin soup, so I'm going to actually eat in!

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  3. WTF have I done with my life?23 July 2012 at 02:42

    Hello Countess :) I just realised that you have been following my blog. I am loving yours. Your post about apartment living made me laugh out loud...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Lady of Leisure23 July 2012 at 19:47

      Hello there! Yes, I've been following your blog :-) I find it really interesting, as I've toyed with whether I should stay in academia or try something else for a while, so it's great to read your experiences. I'm so glad you like my blog!

      Delete
    2. WTF have I done with my life?25 July 2012 at 02:36

      "Get out! Get out!" (said only half-ironically...)

      It's been a challenging time I must admit. Not an easy decision to make that's for sure. But it's what I needed to do at this point in my life. que sera sera I guess.

      Delete
    3. A Lady of Leisure25 July 2012 at 17:01

      I have a post-doc at the moment, so I'm going to see how that goes, and then make the decision on whether to keep going with academia or not. I definitely don't see myself in academia for the rest of my life.

      Delete

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