Advice Part 34- How to survive Christmas lunch

It being Christmas Day today, and with the late afternoon lull upon me, I decided it may be an opportune time to update my blog with a festive-themed special (I can't be accused of not being topical!).

And what more difficult festive occasion is there than (insert ominous music here).....Christmas lunch?

My advice for young players is that Christmas lunches are events unlike any other, and you should expect typical rules of behaviour to be thrown out the door.....

Case in point. Today, my mum and I went for lunch at my cousin's place. We have been doing this for as long as I can remember, and EVERY year the following happen:

• Someone in the family has either lost or gained A LOT of weight, both of which tend to create an awkward situation. Do you tell the newly thin person that you used to think they were a bit on the large side? And should you acknowledge that someone has put on a bit of weight, or just ignore the proverbial "elephant in the room" situation (pardon the inappropriate figure of speech....oh hell, figure of speech?....I think I should stop there before my puns get any worse)? 

• Somebody brings up the "peanut butter sandwich" story. Again. This story centres around the fact that I ONCE refused to eat my Christmas turkey, and asked for a peanut butter sandwich instead. I was 4 at the time. The story has been told 27 times since.....Groan.

• The Christmas bon bons are rubbish. Every year, my cousin goes to a different place, hoping to FINALLY find some decent crackers. But they are always TERRIBLE. I mean, who really wants a plastic fish which ostensibly tells your fortune? And is it REALLY that hard to find some half-funny (or even a quarter funny?) jokes

• There is a "musical interlude". This is my FAVOURITE part of the day, and consists of my cousin's husband bringing out his melodica and playing a song while their dog howls an accompaniment. Generally after everyone has had a fair bit to drink, and finds a "singing dog" charming.

These sorts of things NEVER happen any other time of year. But I guess that's part of the appeal.....