Advice Part 68- Allow me to introduce you to my bladder

Aah, conferences. They provide the opportunity to venture to far-flung locales, hear (hopefully) interesting papers, receive a fun-filled conference "show bag", and network your way to stardom.

My advice for young players is that conferences are all well and good, but it is best to exercise a considerable degree of caution when asking people about their "areas of interest", as you may get more than you bargained for. Or EVER wanted to hear.

How do I know this? Read on.....

Last Thursday, I attended a nursing conference on the Gold Coast. Armed with my newly minted stack of business cards, I installed myself behind the booth with my colleague, and prepared to recruit nurses for our study.

Too easy.

It was all going smoothly, until I said hello to a lady who was loitering slightly off to the side of our desk....

• Me: Hello, there. How are you going? Do you want any information about our study?
• Lady: Oh, I'm just looking. The study sounds interesting. 
• Me: Yes, we're looking to recruit people from a range of specialties. Can I ask you what area you work in? 
• Lady: Urogynaecology. I deal with women's bladder issues.
• Me (a bit surprised): Oh, that must be interesting! (trying to think of something to say.....) 
• Lady: It is. And how's your bladder going?
• Me (trying not to look too shocked): Oh, alright, I suppose. Nothing to complain about, ha ha ha!
• Lady: Are you sure? You've never had any problems down there? How do things go when you need to urinate?
• Me: Erm, they, umm, oh well, you know....Ha ha!
• Lady: No, I don't know. Come on- how's your bladder?

At this point, I was feeling VERY uncomfortable. The LAST thing I wanted to discus with a total stranger were my personal toileting habits, particularly considering that the room was packed, and our conversation could be EASILY overheard.

Realising that there was no way of excusing myself, I invited my new buddy to sit down at a side table, where she proceded to spend the next 30 minutes talking about my bladder, how I urinate, and which posture I should use to ensure that the whole bladder is emptied.

Dear god.

Eventually, the impromptu consultation finished, but then, the next morning AT BREAKFAST, I was approached by the bladder expert, asking if I'd tried out the new posture she'd suggested, and how my urinating was going this morning. I reported that it was "excellent", and that her new posture had completely changed my toileting approach (which was a bit of a lie, but I thought I should be enthusiastic....).

All I can say is, if you're a woman and you want any advice on your bladder, I know EXACTLY who you should be talking to.