Advice Part 95- A visit to the vet

For the past four years, I have shared my apartment with my animal companion (fancy name for "cat"), Polly. Most of the time, we get along very well, but once in a while, our harmonious existence is disturbed by a visit to that most dreaded of entities.

The vet.

(The above picture in no way represents my cat's experience at the vet- that picture is the stuff of feline FANTASY)

With five such trips under my proverbial belt, I feel suitably qualified to offer some advice to young players on surviving this most monstrous of excursions. And so I have combined a list of handy hints below, which I hope will be useful if you ever have to venture to the animal doctor.

1. Surprise is the essence. Do not let your animal companion twig as to what fun you have in store for them until you are just about ready to go, and you commence your trapping attempt.
2. Don your protective gear. No piece of exposed skin is safe from the ferocious claws of the screeching banshee. I foolishly believed that my neck was out of reach, but I now have a Texas Chainsaw Massacre style scratch across my throat to show for my complacency. 
   
3. Prepare your container in advance. Polly is more than happy to stick her nose into any empty box I have lying around my apartment, but as soon as I try and put her into the dreaded cat box, she fights like a demon. From trial and error, I know that the best move is to put her in feet first.
4. Do not be fooled by the plaintive cries.Your animal companion is unlikely to be well pleased when contained in the box, and may emit pitiful cries. At VERY loud volume. Do not be tricked by this! It is a clever ruse to obtain freedom, and, should you unleash the beast, you will not be able to capture it again. 
   
5. If you don't have a car, getting your fiesty furry friend to the vet surgery is an added piece of excitement. For me, this involves carrying said shrieking feline through the main street of my suburb.
6. When walking through along the main street with your unwilling animal companion, you may receive "helpful" comments from the local denizens. Sample: "Ooh, you have a cat in the box!" (No, really? I would never have guessed. Or to use a more earthy expression, "No s*%t, Sherlock!"); "She doesn't sound very happy in there!" (Yes, I am fully aware of that, but if nosey parkers like you would mind your own business, perhaps I'd be able to get her to the vet faster and she would shut up!!!).
7. Waiting at the vet surgery to be seen can be a further feat of endurance if you are sharing the waiting room with a 54kg Newfoundland dog (which may be mistaken as a bear) and a squarking parrot.
   
8. By the time you finally get in to see the vet, both you and your animal companion are likely to be nervous wrecks and completely shellshocked. The unceremonious poking and prodding seems positively benign, considering the rigmarole involved in getting to the surgery.
9. Then the vet will produce the bill, and you will find yourself hundreds, or, more probably, thousands, of dollars poorer.

Still, at least I know that I will never be tempted to become a Crazy Cat Lady, living with multiple cats. If I have this much trouble taking one to the vet, imagine how I'd go with five!