Advice Part 108- How to tell if it's time for a new job

When I was but a delicate flower, not yet weary of the world and its ways, I was naive enough to believe that a joyous and fun-filled career awaited me. I imagined myself skipping (well, that's perhaps a SLIGHT exaggeration) to work in the morning, to spend my day doing interesting tasks, surrounded by friendly colleagues, and being paid an enormous wage for my troubles.

Aah, how foolish I was....

My mantra is now not so much "If you do a job you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life" as "Another day, another dollar" (a phrase I adopted from the local sage, otherwise known as my neighbour).

However, my advice to young players is that there is a BIG difference between being "a little bit restless" at work, and finding yourself COMPLETELY BORED OUT OF YOUR SKULL, and if you're in the latter camp, it's probably a good idea to start looking for other opportunities.

How do I know this? Read on.....

I have been in my job for approximately 7 months. It's certainly not the worst job I've had, but it's not exactly excitement by the minute. I sit in front of my computer ALL DAY, researching such topics as hand washing hygiene, the government's policies on integrated care in the 1980s, and whether there's any empirical evidence out there on ePrescribing. Sure, it's (vaguely) important work. But let's just say, if asked to describe my dream job, it definitely wouldn't be this.

I realised how bored I was yesterday, when, upon checking my calendar, I saw that I was scheduled to have my flu vaccination at 10:45am.

And, I'm sorry to admit this, but I was EXCITED by the prospect.

OK, so being stabbed with a needle isn't exactly pleasant, but

• It would give me an excuse to spend some time away from my desk on "legitimate business" 
• My colleagues had reported that the line was very long. Bonus! Even more time away from the office
• If I was brave, I would receive the obligatory lollipop (and cartoon character sticking plaster) for my efforts

What more could I ask for?!

Bubbling with enthusiasm, I headed off to the injecting room nice and early, and I was rather disappointed when I found myself back at my desk less than 20 minutes later, with another 6 hours of tedium stretching before me.

Has life come to this? Unfortunately, yes. 

But hey, if I'm clever, I might be able to schedule in a few trips up to the tearoom to fill up my water bottle, followed by a bathroom break, topped off with a sortie to the downstairs stationery room to really liven things up!

Or not.

Advice Part 92- The perfect (office) companion?

There has been a bit of a lack of advice of late, hasn't there? But, as the cliche goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder", so hopefully this extended hiatus has left you perched on the edge of your seat, quivering with enthusiasm now that there is a new post!!!

Or perhaps not.

Anyway, let us begin.....

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In three weeks, I am going to be unemployed. My contract is coming to an end, and, "times being what they are....indifferent" (to quote Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead), I don't have another job. This parlous situation means that I may have to consider either becoming a bus driver (don't laugh- I am actually seriously thinking about it) or temping.

Oh dear.

However, if there is one thing I've learnt over these past two years, it's that you should NEVER underestimate the importance of your office companion. And my advice to young players is that some will DEFINITELY be better than others....

Read on....

When I started my job, I was very excited to get my OWN OFFICE for the first time ever! But, due to a) a considerable absence of space, and b) my level of unimportance, it was soon decided that it would be good for me to share.

OK. I don't necessarily have a problem with that....

Most of the four different people who've shared the office have been on short term projects, so they've never stayed very long. But I can honestly say that I have MUCH preferred some to others, and so I've got a little list (to steal from The Mikado- note MULTIPLE literary references to give the pretence that I'm cultured!) of what makes a good office sharing companion (and yes, it's highly subjective).

• They talk to you about themselves. Maybe it's just me, but I WANT to know what someone does after work, what their partner is like, what they enjoy eating. There is nothing more dismal than trying to make a bit of small talk when you arrive in the morning, and the person exhibits as much life as a hibernating hedgehog (in fact, in one instance, I think the hedgehog would have been more lively....)

• That being said, there is a fine line between talking a bit and talking too much. No, I don't want to hear a blow-by-blow, scene-by-scene, line-by-line account of the new action film you saw on the weekend which holds precisely zero interest for me.
• They don't have loud, inane phone conversations to their partner/dog/baby all day. And yes, I have heard the back end of all three of these categories. The middle was the most sensible.
• They don't eat their stinky lunch at their desk. Friendly advice- not everyone loves sardines or their fetid odour. Fancy that!

• They have similar views about whether the light should be on/the fan on/the window open/the blinds shut. Divergent opinions can be a source of WAR.
• There is at least part of the day where you have the office to yourself. Even if it's for 10 minutes. (Random question- am I the only person who actually takes lunch outside the office nowadays?!)

I wonder what my office companions have thought of me sometimes. And I'm sure their evaluations would not be pretty, either....

Advice Part 88- On being depressed....

Aah, yes. This is a difficult one.

I figured it was about time to update my blog, which has been distinctly lacking in posts for the past few weeks, but, to be honest, I have very little urge to do so because I have (yet again) fallen into a depressive hole/been visited by the Black Dog (thank you, Winston Churchill)/taken to my bed/whatever other euphemisms you wish to use for feeling rather "under the weather". So to speak.

But, ever the model citizen, I have decided to turn my bad experience into advice for others! (my generosity knows no bounds today!)

That being said, my advice for young players is that if you are depressed, it is NOT YOUR FAULT! And there is ABSOLUTELY no shame in admitting that you are depressed. Why do I say this? Read on.....

If I think about things honestly, I have probably suffered depression in some form or another for most of my life. As a child, I was never exactly full of verve and vim (to the brim or otherwise), and I would say, in retrospect, that I was more than likely clinically depressed throughout the vast majority of my teenage years.

However, it wasn't until I enrolled in uni that I decided to see a counsellor about my general dissatisfaction. She asked me to fill in a Depression Scale, and I scored in the top 5% of depressed entities (amusingly, this is the highest score I have received on any test- as Charlie Sheen would say, "WINNING!").

So how does it feel being depressed? I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me it is

• not being able to get out of bed in the morning;
• having absolutely no motivation;
• seeing a week pass at work and realising I've accomplished nothing;
• not caring about eating or drinking (yes, it's true!); 
• pulling out my Leonard Cohen, Elliott Smith, and The Smiths CDs for a bit of "light listening";
• leaving dirty dishes in the sink for days on end;
• getting (even more) short-tempered and snappy than usual; and
• feeling annoyed when my cat jumps on my lap and purrs (poor puss- the travails of feline life in a depressed household).

This is how I feel at the moment.

I went to the doctor yesterday, who advised me to up my dosage of anti-depressants, make some "life changes", and see a therapist. So that's what I've decided to do. Will I recover from this? I would like to. Will it be easy? Probably not, for me or for the people around me who have to suffer these things. Will I have a relapse? Almost certainly. But I can at least hope that it's later, rather than sooner. And that has to be something, right?

Advice Part 81- How NOT to complete your PhD

I am probably the LAST person who should be offering tips on completing a PhD, given that I was not exactly what you would call a "model student." However, my advice to young players is that if you're trying to finish your PhD, there's a few things you probably shouldn't be doing. Or at least not if you want to survive with your sanity intact.....

How do I know this? Read on.....

A few months ago, a new staff member (let's call him Edward) moved into the office next to mine. Edward told me he was nearing the final stages of his PhD, and that "if (he) didn't submit by July, (he'd) be kicked out of uni." "How long have you been writing it for?" I inquired, trying to be friendly. Answer: almost 10 years.

This didn't bode well.

However, Edward explained that he was now "REALLY committed" to getting things finished, because he wants to move to Greenland to be a "house husband" for his girlfriend (who met at a bar in Turkey whilst watching the Eurovision song contest- but I digress).

At first I watched Edward's progress with "interest."

Then I watched his "progress" with interest.

And now, I'm not watching at all. It's too depressing.

But with that in mind, let's just say, if you DO want to complete your PhD, you probably SHOULDN'T....

• Take on a full-time job, with a HUGE teaching and marking load, and expect to work full-time on your thesis as well;
• Decide, at 1 a.m. in the morning, that the Introduction chapter, which your supervisor was HAPPY with, needs a TOTAL rewrite;
• Realise, at 6 a.m. the next day, that rewriting the Introduction wasn't such a brilliant idea, and you need to change it back;
• Wait until 2.5 weeks before you hand in before sending your FIRST DRAFT to your supervisor; 
• Go out "relaxing" (i.e. massive drinking binge), and then expect to both start and finish your discussion section the following afternoon (well, at least it wasn't the next morning, I guess.....);
• Neglect to check the date that you're due to submit, and then realise that, hey, it's two weeks earlier than you thought;
• Listen to The Wu-Tang Clan so loud that the whole building shakes, and then maintain that you're "working really hard." 

Sure, everyone's different. And maybe Edward will produce a thesis which sets the academic world on proverbial fire. It will be great if he does. But all I can say is, I have NEVER been more glad that the thesis writing part of my life is done.....

Advice Part 64- You work WHAT hours?!

With the weekend almost upon us, I thought it was an appropriate time to write about an issue which has been perplexing me for some time.

And what may this be? Working hours.

My advice to young players is that acting like a martyr by working long hours is NOT impressive, and rather than making you look "driven" and "ambitious", it actually looks like you desperately need a life.

How do I know this? Read on....

A few weeks ago, I went to drinks at a bar with a friend. She mentioned that some other people would be joining us soon, but that they were still finishing up at work.

At 8:30pm.

On a Friday night.

Hmmmm.....

When the said individuals eventually arrived, I decided to make polite conversation with one of them:

• Me: So. What do you do?
• Him: I'm a corporate lawyer.
• Me: Wow.....(big pause).....Umm, that must be interesting.
• Him: Yeah, really long hours though.
• Me (knowing exactly where this conversation was heading): Right
• Him: Yes. I work late most nights. And on the weekend, too.
• Me: Oh.
• Him: What sort of hours do you work?
• Me: Well, I usually finish at the office at 4:30, although I sometimes stay until 5.
• Him (eyes boggling): 4:30 AM? Gee, that's CRAZY! I've never worked past midnight. Phwoar!
• Me: Err, no. 4:30 PM. I work 8 hours a day.
• Him (very embarrassed): Right.

What really disturbed me about this exchange was that my interlocutor thought that working until 4:30 IN THE MORNING was a more likely scenario than working until 4:30 IN THE AFTERNOON, which is what I would describe as "normal hours."

What the hell?!

 

Maybe it's just me, but if I am hired to work 8 hours a day, I am going to work 8 hours a day. I'm not going to sit in the office until 10pm so that I look "committed to my job", because, frankly, there's other things in my life which are important. Like actually going out, relaxing and (shock, horror) ENJOYING MYSELF.

Sure, I may not ever be able to afford a house in Woollahra and I'm not going to be shopping in Gucci or Hermes any time soon. But you know what? That REALLY doesn't worry me.

Now, back to work!

Advice Part 21- Lateness

As those of you who know me will attest, I have great difficulty EVER being on time.

My advice to young players is that whilst slight lateness may be forgivable, chronic tardiness can be somewhat problematic. Particularly when you have something VERY important on......

Allow me to illustrate. Yesterday, I had my annual work performance review. This hellish process involves filling out a SIX PAGE form, detailing

1. All the things you do as part of your job
2. How well you think you do them
3. How you think you could improve
4. How you "encapsulate the organisation's key values of sustainability, innovation, and technological advancement." (Hmm. No comment)

You then meet with your supervisor to "discuss".

This process scares me half to death.

I had been so paranoid about the performance review, that it took me FOREVER to get ready yesterday morning. Consequently, I missed the early train. And the late one. And the VERY late one.

I finally rocked up to work OVER AN HOUR LATE.

Oh. Dear.

By some miracle, my boss was even later than I was. Nonetheless, it's not an experience I intend to repeat......

But I guess being an hour late is an improvement on a previous performance of mine, when I turned up at a friend's birthday party ONE WEEK early....