Advice Part 108- How to tell if it's time for a new job

When I was but a delicate flower, not yet weary of the world and its ways, I was naive enough to believe that a joyous and fun-filled career awaited me. I imagined myself skipping (well, that's perhaps a SLIGHT exaggeration) to work in the morning, to spend my day doing interesting tasks, surrounded by friendly colleagues, and being paid an enormous wage for my troubles.

Aah, how foolish I was....

My mantra is now not so much "If you do a job you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life" as "Another day, another dollar" (a phrase I adopted from the local sage, otherwise known as my neighbour).

However, my advice to young players is that there is a BIG difference between being "a little bit restless" at work, and finding yourself COMPLETELY BORED OUT OF YOUR SKULL, and if you're in the latter camp, it's probably a good idea to start looking for other opportunities.

How do I know this? Read on.....

I have been in my job for approximately 7 months. It's certainly not the worst job I've had, but it's not exactly excitement by the minute. I sit in front of my computer ALL DAY, researching such topics as hand washing hygiene, the government's policies on integrated care in the 1980s, and whether there's any empirical evidence out there on ePrescribing. Sure, it's (vaguely) important work. But let's just say, if asked to describe my dream job, it definitely wouldn't be this.

I realised how bored I was yesterday, when, upon checking my calendar, I saw that I was scheduled to have my flu vaccination at 10:45am.

And, I'm sorry to admit this, but I was EXCITED by the prospect.

OK, so being stabbed with a needle isn't exactly pleasant, but

• It would give me an excuse to spend some time away from my desk on "legitimate business" 
• My colleagues had reported that the line was very long. Bonus! Even more time away from the office
• If I was brave, I would receive the obligatory lollipop (and cartoon character sticking plaster) for my efforts

What more could I ask for?!

Bubbling with enthusiasm, I headed off to the injecting room nice and early, and I was rather disappointed when I found myself back at my desk less than 20 minutes later, with another 6 hours of tedium stretching before me.

Has life come to this? Unfortunately, yes. 

But hey, if I'm clever, I might be able to schedule in a few trips up to the tearoom to fill up my water bottle, followed by a bathroom break, topped off with a sortie to the downstairs stationery room to really liven things up!

Or not.

Advice Part 81- How NOT to complete your PhD

I am probably the LAST person who should be offering tips on completing a PhD, given that I was not exactly what you would call a "model student." However, my advice to young players is that if you're trying to finish your PhD, there's a few things you probably shouldn't be doing. Or at least not if you want to survive with your sanity intact.....

How do I know this? Read on.....

A few months ago, a new staff member (let's call him Edward) moved into the office next to mine. Edward told me he was nearing the final stages of his PhD, and that "if (he) didn't submit by July, (he'd) be kicked out of uni." "How long have you been writing it for?" I inquired, trying to be friendly. Answer: almost 10 years.

This didn't bode well.

However, Edward explained that he was now "REALLY committed" to getting things finished, because he wants to move to Greenland to be a "house husband" for his girlfriend (who met at a bar in Turkey whilst watching the Eurovision song contest- but I digress).

At first I watched Edward's progress with "interest."

Then I watched his "progress" with interest.

And now, I'm not watching at all. It's too depressing.

But with that in mind, let's just say, if you DO want to complete your PhD, you probably SHOULDN'T....

• Take on a full-time job, with a HUGE teaching and marking load, and expect to work full-time on your thesis as well;
• Decide, at 1 a.m. in the morning, that the Introduction chapter, which your supervisor was HAPPY with, needs a TOTAL rewrite;
• Realise, at 6 a.m. the next day, that rewriting the Introduction wasn't such a brilliant idea, and you need to change it back;
• Wait until 2.5 weeks before you hand in before sending your FIRST DRAFT to your supervisor; 
• Go out "relaxing" (i.e. massive drinking binge), and then expect to both start and finish your discussion section the following afternoon (well, at least it wasn't the next morning, I guess.....);
• Neglect to check the date that you're due to submit, and then realise that, hey, it's two weeks earlier than you thought;
• Listen to The Wu-Tang Clan so loud that the whole building shakes, and then maintain that you're "working really hard." 

Sure, everyone's different. And maybe Edward will produce a thesis which sets the academic world on proverbial fire. It will be great if he does. But all I can say is, I have NEVER been more glad that the thesis writing part of my life is done.....