Advice Part 14- Camping

(This post is dedicated to my friend-and camper extraordinaire-Stan)

Camping. 

The word brings to mind pictures of the great outdoors, roasting marshmallows around an open fire, and “communing with nature.” Right? 

My advice to young players is- DO NOT be misled by the camping fantasy. The reality is VERY different. 

A few years ago, in a moment of madness, I decided to embark on a TEN DAY camping safari to New Zealand’s South Island, casually disregarding the (highly pertinent) facts that I had never been camping before, and I loathe physical activity.

Suffice to say, but by the end of Day 1, my enthusiasm had vanished. 

I would have phoned for help, but there was no phone reception in the NZ wilderness.

Typical.

So, what did I learn in the course of my ten days of torture?

• If you are going to be spending 5 days without having a shower, make sure you have EXTRA strong deodorant. And lots of it.

• This is particularly important if you are travelling in a mini-bus with 9 other similarly unclean individuals. And sleeping in the same tent as one.

• Camping requires a somewhat “relaxed” approach to toileting habits. Digging a hole in the ground is the norm, and “privacy” typically consists of hiding behind a tree or well-placed rock. And hoping no one catches you in the act.

• Setting up a tent is an art form. Particularly when it is dark. And you have just spent 10 hours walking. 

• Whilst “fancy dress” hiking sounds amusing, attempting to climb a rocky crag clad in a skintight polyester dress is NOT fun.

Needless to say, I haven’t been camping again since, although I must admit that I wouldn’t mind toasting marshmallows. 

On my gas stove.  

Anyone?

Advice Part 7- Dating disasters (Episode 1)

Bad dates. Where to start?

I'm sure everyone has been on a few in their time. Or is it just me?

My advice for young players is that if you are picking up "warning signs" that your date may not be going all that well, it's best to cut your losses, and conclude said meeting ASAP.

Preferably whilst you still have SOME self-respect left.

My worst ever date (so far!) was with a guy I met at a costume party. I gave him my number at the end of the night, and he contacted me 2 days later, suggesting we meet up for a drink.

Promising. VERY promising.

But I ignored

• Warning Sign 1- his disclosure that "he had a lot on his plate and his mind at the moment" AND
• Warning Sign 2- the fact that I didn't even recognise him at the pub, because he wasn't in fancy dress (yes, it gets worse than this, though.....) AND
• Warning Sign 3- his disclosure that his mum had been married five times (although I guess the fact that she hadn't exceeded Elizabeth Taylor's tally was one thing in her favour....)

But I DID pick up

• Warning Sign 4 (although this wasn't a warning sign, so much as an emergency alert)- his declaration that he was "actually seeing someone at the moment", but not to worry, as he wanted to invite me to be his OFFICIAL BACK-UP OPTION.

My. God.

And, to make matters worse, he thought I may be SERIOUSLY tempted to be his " official second choice" girlfriend (I wonder if he had a few "unofficial" back-ups, too?).

The date ended soon after. VERY soon after.