Advice Part 14- Camping

(This post is dedicated to my friend-and camper extraordinaire-Stan)

Camping. 

The word brings to mind pictures of the great outdoors, roasting marshmallows around an open fire, and “communing with nature.” Right? 

My advice to young players is- DO NOT be misled by the camping fantasy. The reality is VERY different. 

A few years ago, in a moment of madness, I decided to embark on a TEN DAY camping safari to New Zealand’s South Island, casually disregarding the (highly pertinent) facts that I had never been camping before, and I loathe physical activity.

Suffice to say, but by the end of Day 1, my enthusiasm had vanished. 

I would have phoned for help, but there was no phone reception in the NZ wilderness.

Typical.

So, what did I learn in the course of my ten days of torture?

• If you are going to be spending 5 days without having a shower, make sure you have EXTRA strong deodorant. And lots of it.

• This is particularly important if you are travelling in a mini-bus with 9 other similarly unclean individuals. And sleeping in the same tent as one.

• Camping requires a somewhat “relaxed” approach to toileting habits. Digging a hole in the ground is the norm, and “privacy” typically consists of hiding behind a tree or well-placed rock. And hoping no one catches you in the act.

• Setting up a tent is an art form. Particularly when it is dark. And you have just spent 10 hours walking. 

• Whilst “fancy dress” hiking sounds amusing, attempting to climb a rocky crag clad in a skintight polyester dress is NOT fun.

Needless to say, I haven’t been camping again since, although I must admit that I wouldn’t mind toasting marshmallows. 

On my gas stove.  

Anyone?