Advice Part 55- Is that a dog coat you're wearing? and other friendly conversation starters....

I'm not sure why, but one of my talents (and there's not many) is that I seem to have a strong tendency to find myself unwittingly involved in rather unusual conversations with people I don't know.

My advice to young players is that whilst engaging in random conversations with strangers is all well and good, there are some people who are best avoided. And if you happen to find yourself chatting to such an individual, my best advice is to RUN.....

This observation was prompted by a series of events that happened on the weekend.....

So. Here we go.

One of my work colleagues, Jessie, has a dachshund, Fido, and on Saturday, Jessie had arranged for Fido to take part in the Dachshund UN, a piece of "performance art", where the dogs sit in a replica UN General Assembly.

I decided to go and watch (yes, I know that says a lot about my social life, but let's not dwell on that now....)

Arriving at the venue, I spotted Jessie. We were having a talk when we were approached by a rather presumptuous lady. I hate to appeal to stereotypes, but this woman was an "Eastern suburbs matron"- rich, rude and pretentious. She strutted straight up to us, and without so much as a "hello", pointed at Fido. The following conversation ensued:

• Lady (addressing Jessie): Your dog. Where is its coat?
• Jessie: She doesn't have a coat. She doesn't mind the rain.
• Lady (tutting loudly): Disgraceful! All dogs need a coat in the rain.
• Jessie (politely): I don't think that's true. Fido used to live in Sweden, and she went out in the snow without a coat.
• Lady (looking horrified): Oh! That is cruel! My Dasher has 3 little coats. He NEVER goes out without them. One of them has genuine fox fur lining (seeing my pained expression). I'm so naughty, I know, but it keeps him so warm. And it's from New York. The other is a rain jacket. And the third he wears around the house. It's a horrible, cheap imitation velour. Quite disgusting.

Here there was a big pause, and then.....

• Lady (grabbing hold of my jacket): Just like this. Yes, EXACTLY like this.

At this, Jessie burst out laughing, and the lady looked a bit taken aback. I just stood there gaping, and then said "Oh. Right. Thanks."

OK, so my jacket is a bit old and tatty, but I didn't particularly appreciate some random crazy woman telling me that EVEN HER DOG would be ashamed to wear such a piece out in public!

Still, I guess if I ever need a replacement coat, I'll know to stop by the pet store and check out their wares.....

Advice Part 51- When choosing your animal companion....

I know I'm not the only one out there who shares their humble abode with a member of the feline persuasion. And whilst I am inordinately fond of my cat, Polly, I have also come to realise that owning such an animal has a number of VERY bad side effects.

One in particular.

My advice to young players is that IF you are going to obtain a cat, and IF you also have a penchant for only wearing clothes of one particular colour, it is best to make sure your cat's fur is the same shade as your gear.

How do I know this? Read on....

A few months ago, it was unseasonably cold, so I decided I would wear a jumper. As those of you who know me would attest, the VAST majority of clothes in my wardrobe are black, and this sweater was no exception.

So I chucked it on, not really looking too closely, and headed to the station.

I was sitting on the seat, waiting for my train, when the random man next to me started to chat:

• Man: What's the name of your cat?
• Me (a bit suspiciously): Pardon?
• Man: Your cat. What's his or her name?
• Me (cagily): Polly. Why? How do you know I have a cat?
• Man (looking smug and self-satisfied): It's not exactly difficult to tell. She's got a lot of white on her, hasn't she?
• Me (starting to get a bit worried): Well, yes, she has. How did you know?
• Man (laughing uproariously): I know because you are absolutely covered in white cat hairs!

At this, I glanced down at my jumper, and sure enough, he was right. There was a veritable forest of white fur ALL OVER IT.

My new buddy thought this was hilarious- "Don't worry, I'm covered in hairs, too!" he laughed, proudly holding out his arm, which was populated with ginger cat fur.

Hmm. Great.

After that day, I've been maniacally brushing my clothes to try and clean off the cat hair, but with little effect. But let me assure you, the next cat I get will DEFINITELY be black.

Or hairless.....

Or I guess I could start a little enterprise like this.....