Advice Part 76- Defacing library books

Being something of a (quasi-) intellectual, I have had frequent recourse over the years to take advantage of the services offered by the local book lending repository (i.e. the library).

However, my advice to young players is that whilst borrowing books is all well and good, it is prudent to avoid scribbling missives over said tomes unless you can be assured that you won't be caught.

How do I know this? Read on.

A few years ago, when I had ALMOST finished writing my PhD, my supervisor suggested that I might like to include a discussion of The Moral Problem by Michael Smith. I had been studiously avoiding this book because, let's be honest, it's not exactly scintillating stuff (and with that sentence, I have probably bid farewell to ANY future philosophy career). But off I trotted to the university library, only to discover that the sole copy had been borrowed.

Bugger.

Still, no biggie. I put in a "return request", whereby the "other borrower" was asked to bring the book back in a week, and waited.

But no sooner had I borrowed it, than I received a return request, asking me to return it.

So I took it back. And immediately lodged another return request.

A week later, the book arrived. But (you guessed it), the mysterious "other borrower" asked for it back immediately.

This continued a few more times, until I started to get annoyed. SERIOUSLY annoyed. I mean, WHO was wanting the book? And who needed it more than ME?! Didn't EVERYONE know I was handing in my PhD in 2 MONTHS?! I mean....

• It was uni holidays, so no undergrad students needed it for their essays;
• No other post-grad students were writing on meta-ethics;
• Any staff members would likely already own a copy;
• It was over 10 years old, so it was not exactly a "new release";
• And it was hardly the sort of stuff someone would borrow for "light reading"

So, I decided to take matters into my own hand, and leave the "other borrower" a little message....

On the title page, IN PENCIL (Note! Easily erased!), I wrote....

"To whoever keeps repeatedly recalling this book, I'm beginning to find it a little tiresome. I NEED TO READ IT FOR MY PHD! Which is due in 2 MONTHS! Why do YOU need it? I'm sick of running back and forward to the library because you keep recalling the book. STOP IT!"

I deposited the book in the return chute, feeling very pleased with myself.

But two days later, I received an email from the library, saying that "another library user" (the confounded "other borrower", I bet!) had discovered that I had written "rude and offensive messages" in The Moral Problem, and had "taken great personal affront" to the nature of my missive.

Despite self-righteously complaining that it was all the library's fault for not having enough copies of the book, I was asked to go in and erase all the markings in the loathed tome (which was TOTALLY USELESS anyway), or buy them a new copy.

So in I went, and sat there rubbing out my "filthy message" under the watchful eye of the library staff. Life had REALLY hit a new low.

To this day, I still haven't discovered who the supergrass "other borrower" was. But I certainly have my suspicions! If anyone has any further information, I can assure you, it will be treated with the utmost confidentiality.....

Advice Part 59- Fortune Tellers

I like to think of myself as being a fairly open-minded person. So when a friend suggested going to see a tarot card reader, I thought "Sure, why not?" and gave it a go.

However, my advice to young players is that whilst clairvoyants may provide some rather interesting predictions, it's best to retain a HIGH degree of sceptism when consulting one.....

How do I know this? Read on.....

Five years ago, I was in a "difficult situation." I had decided to apply to do my PhD at Oxford, assuming I had a snowflake's chance in hell of getting accepted. Hence, I almost died of shock when a letter arrived, offering me a place.

"Great!" you may think. "Why was this situation "difficult"?" The answer is that because I didn't get a scholarship, I would have to pay full fees. And let me assure you, the fees at Oxford AREN'T cheap. My parents would have had to lend me the money, and I would have had to work for the rest of my life to pay them back.

But it was OXFORD, for god's sake! My mind was awash with fantasies of scarves, bicycles, old buildings, and gallant gentlemen named Rupert Humphrey-Wittingstall, or some such.....

I mulled for months and months about whether to go or not. And COULD NOT decide.

So, in desperation, I decided to go and see a clairvoyant, who had been recommended by a friend. Yes, I was a bit cynical, but hell, I had one week left to decide, and this was about the only option left.

When I arrived at the clairvoyant's lair, I realised I had made a BIG mistake. For a start, she wasn't in, as she "didn't believe in the concept of time." And when she did finally materialise, in a haze of blue eyeshadow and an aroma of patchouli, she was munching on her lunch, which she proceeded to eat throughout the duration of our session.

 Hmm.

In the course of the session, she hatched two predictions of note (and let me assure you, in an hour long session, two predictions is hardly extraordinary):

• One, that "in the next month, (I) would be undertaking a journey to a foreign land" (which I assumed meant that I would go to Oxford) AND
• Two, that I would meet and marry a "dark man in a long black coat"

Needless to say, she was TOTALLY wrong on the first count- I decided NOT to go to Oxford, and instead stayed in Sydney.

The second prediction is more intriguing. I haven't met any men in long black coats yet, and, judging from the clairvoyant's first prediction, I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. But I'm not going to deny that EVERY TIME I see a man in a black coat go past, I do tend to study him closely....Just in case.

Advice Part 27- Faux pas

Faux pas. I'm sure we've all made a few in our time.......Or, if you're anything like me, MORE than a few.

But whilst faux pas may be (somewhat) amusing when someone else has made them, there are few things more excruciating than making one yourself.

My advice for young players is that if you do happen to make a faux pas, the best thing to do is to try and extricate yourself from the situation ASAP, preferably whilst still maintaining an air of dignity.

How do I know? Read on.....

This afternoon, I gave a paper at a philosophy seminar. There were a number of people there who I didn't know, including an older lady, who I assumed was a mature age student.

So far, so good.

After the presentation, myself and some of the attendees headed to the coffee shop, as is routine. I found myself sitting beside the older lady, and decided to introduce myself:

• Me: Hi, I'm......Nice to meet you.
• Her: I'm .........
• Me: So, are you a post grad student?
• Her: No, I'm not.
• Me: You're doing an undergraduate degree?
• Her: No. I was just interested in the topic, so I decided to come along.
• Me: Great! It must be good having free time to come to these sorts of things. Why not do some study in philosophy? Perhaps an undergrad degree?
• Her: I've already done a fair bit of study in philosophy. I'm on a professorial fellowship.
• Me: (Stunned silence)

At this point, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I mean, fellowships are almost IMPOSSIBLE to get, unless you're a) exceptionally highly qualified;
b) well-known; AND
c) your work is excellent.

And there I was, asking if she was an UNDERGRADUATE? Or if she was just there because she had a free afternoon?

My. God.

If anyone has a "How to identify philosophers in their natural habitat" field guide, I would be VERY pleased to borrow a copy.....

I am keeping my mouth closed until then.

Advice Part 4-Careers

(A big thanks to Anais for the idea of this post!)

My approach towards my "career" (if you can call it that) has been somewhat, err, shambolic. The idea of a 5 DAY plan, let alone a 5 YEAR plan, is enough to give me the horrors....

My advice to young players is.....it may be good to have SOME sort of plan for what you want to do. But if you don't, things can still turn out OK!

Case in point. How did I end up doing my PhD in philosophy?

• Did I have a fascination with the subject from the age of 3? Umm, no.
• Did I study the Mind and Morality unit for the HSC? Nope, 'fraid not.
• Did I read Aristotle's works for fun in high school (seriously, I know someone who did do this- although I must admit, I don't quite believe them)? No, no, no!
• Were my parents philosophy academics? Nope. Dad's a courier; mum's an accountant.

The way that I ended up in philosophy was much less romantic than that. Unfortunately.

I was enrolling in my BA, with the intention of becoming a psychologist. I had one spare first year unit, so I figured "What the hell?", and opted for philosophy. I liked the subject, but I was never AMAZING at it- I always did MUCH better in psych. It was only when I was doing psych Honours, and enduring lectures on such fascinating topics as multiple linear regression (trust me, it's as fun as it sounds....i.e. not very) that I realised that I missed philosophy.

I missed it terribly.

Really, really, REALLY terribly.

Such that my entire psych Honours year was spent planning my escape.

After that, I accepted that resistance was futile. Philosophy was "the go", so to speak.

And I don't regret it for a second.