Advice Part 76- Defacing library books

Being something of a (quasi-) intellectual, I have had frequent recourse over the years to take advantage of the services offered by the local book lending repository (i.e. the library).

However, my advice to young players is that whilst borrowing books is all well and good, it is prudent to avoid scribbling missives over said tomes unless you can be assured that you won't be caught.

How do I know this? Read on.

A few years ago, when I had ALMOST finished writing my PhD, my supervisor suggested that I might like to include a discussion of The Moral Problem by Michael Smith. I had been studiously avoiding this book because, let's be honest, it's not exactly scintillating stuff (and with that sentence, I have probably bid farewell to ANY future philosophy career). But off I trotted to the university library, only to discover that the sole copy had been borrowed.

Bugger.

Still, no biggie. I put in a "return request", whereby the "other borrower" was asked to bring the book back in a week, and waited.

But no sooner had I borrowed it, than I received a return request, asking me to return it.

So I took it back. And immediately lodged another return request.

A week later, the book arrived. But (you guessed it), the mysterious "other borrower" asked for it back immediately.

This continued a few more times, until I started to get annoyed. SERIOUSLY annoyed. I mean, WHO was wanting the book? And who needed it more than ME?! Didn't EVERYONE know I was handing in my PhD in 2 MONTHS?! I mean....

• It was uni holidays, so no undergrad students needed it for their essays;
• No other post-grad students were writing on meta-ethics;
• Any staff members would likely already own a copy;
• It was over 10 years old, so it was not exactly a "new release";
• And it was hardly the sort of stuff someone would borrow for "light reading"

So, I decided to take matters into my own hand, and leave the "other borrower" a little message....

On the title page, IN PENCIL (Note! Easily erased!), I wrote....

"To whoever keeps repeatedly recalling this book, I'm beginning to find it a little tiresome. I NEED TO READ IT FOR MY PHD! Which is due in 2 MONTHS! Why do YOU need it? I'm sick of running back and forward to the library because you keep recalling the book. STOP IT!"

I deposited the book in the return chute, feeling very pleased with myself.

But two days later, I received an email from the library, saying that "another library user" (the confounded "other borrower", I bet!) had discovered that I had written "rude and offensive messages" in The Moral Problem, and had "taken great personal affront" to the nature of my missive.

Despite self-righteously complaining that it was all the library's fault for not having enough copies of the book, I was asked to go in and erase all the markings in the loathed tome (which was TOTALLY USELESS anyway), or buy them a new copy.

So in I went, and sat there rubbing out my "filthy message" under the watchful eye of the library staff. Life had REALLY hit a new low.

To this day, I still haven't discovered who the supergrass "other borrower" was. But I certainly have my suspicions! If anyone has any further information, I can assure you, it will be treated with the utmost confidentiality.....