Advice Part 52- Being a hoarder

Of late, I have started to realise that I have a major problem. Actually, change that.....

Of late, I have started to realise that I have yet another major problem of which I had previously been unaware. That's better.


The issue of which I speak is hoarding, or a complete and utter inability to throw ANYTHING out.

My advice to young players is that if you start to develop a hoarding habit, take action immediately! Otherwise, in a couple of years, your house and office will be full of stuff you REALLY don't need, but which you simply can't bear to throw away.....

How do I know this? Read on......

Around 2 weeks ago, I left my previous job, which meant that I had to clean up my desk. This initially sounded pretty easy- after all, I hadn't been there all that long, and I had only been working part-time.

WRONG! 

Once I started, I realised that it was going to take an absolute eternity to sort through all my stuff, because, in my infinite wisdom, I had decided to hoard ALL of the drafts of EVERY article I wrote, along with each of the journal articles I had cited in the papers.

Given I had written 9 articles, each with at least 6 drafts, and around 30 citations per paper, this gave a total of over 300 documents floating around.

Bloody hell.

"So what?" you may be saying. "Just toss them in the bin!" Aah, but there's the rub! When it came to disposing of the papers, I couldn't do it. "SURELY I must have kept them for a reason" I mused. "And I don't want to throw out something important....." So I left them there, in a huge pile, for the new occupant of my desk.

I bet that person was thrilled.

When I got home that night, I realised that I have a serious problem with hoarding.....

• In the drawer under my TV, I keep EVERY SINGLE RECEIPT that I get so that I can "keep track of my spending." 
• My pantry is full of cans of tuna, "just in case I run out." 

• In my wardrobe are a pile of singlets with holes and tears in them that I simply can't bear to throw in the rubbish
• And let's not even start on the big pile of newspaper articles which I've ripped out at one stage or another, and have never got around to reading.....

Let's just hope I never have to move again....

Advice Part 31- Taming the untameable

Confession- I am always jealous when someone says that they are having a "bad hair day". Why? Because such a statement implies that they have at least SOME hair days which are not bad.....

Oh, how I envy them! I would be happy for JUST ONE day of decent looking hair.

My advice to young players is that if, like me, you have somewhat recalcitrant hair, don't even bother trying to change it, unless you have time and money to burn.

How do I know this? Read on.....

At the end of every year, the flamenco dance studio I attend puts on a concert. We all have to perform, and make sure we are attired in "genuine flamenco style."

Including "genuine flamenco hair."

This creates a major problem for me, given that "genuine flamenco hair" is long, straight, shiny and held back in a bun. In contrast, my own hair is short and curly, and strongly resembles that of Robert Smith from The Cure.

But worse.

In order to create my "genuine flamenco look", I borrowed my friend's hair straightener, and set to work. I mean, how hard could it be?

Answer-harder than I thought. After 30 minutes with the straightening iron, and half a can of hairspray, I had coaxed it into a semi-straight form. BUT as soon as I had smoothed it all down, it promptly curled back up again! Trying to get it straight was an unending task, like the men who paint the Harbour Bridge- as soon as one part is done, you have to go back to the beginning again and redo the bits which have started disintegrating.

Consequently, I arrived at the concert looking an absolute fright, once again beaten into submission by my uncontrollable hair.

Next year, I'm wearing a wig. Or maybe I'll join a The Cure tribute band instead.