Advice Part 44- Male flamenco dancers....and their fashion

So, I am currently in Spain for a holiday. And as we all know, one of my secondary goals for the trip is to bring home a hot male flamenco dancer. That´s a JOKE, by the way! But, what the hell, here´s an opportunity to put in a picture of Israel Galván....

However, in the days I have been here, I have reached the unfortunate conclusion that many men who dance flamenco are somewhat lacking in sartorial splendour.


Hence, my advice to young players is that if you are

• tempted to go to Spain; 
• enrol in a flamenco dancing class, and  
• you are on the lookout for a hot male flamenco dancer

then prepare yourself for some rather interesting fashion....

How do I know this? Read on.....

On Sunday, I started my first flamenco dancing class. And when I saw the males in the room, I was seriously concerned that I had accidentally crashed a dress up party....

Leading the charge was the teacher.....He was wearing tracksuit pants, but over the top, he had put on a pair of voluminous purple pantaloons, of the kind you would wear to a pirate soiree. I assumed maybe these pants were integral to the teaching of flamenco, but no- that was just the way he rolled, so to speak.

But the teacher´s fashion seemed positively conservative compared to that of two of the male students....

Student Number One was continuing the "costume party theme", and had attired himself in a tight set of black overalls, a la Super Mario, but without the moustache.

But Student Number Two took the cake. He also had the pirate look going on, but he had taken it up a notch, and crossed it with that of a porn star. He had on a V-necked T-shirt, whose V reached down to his navel, meaning that everyone was forced to look at his chest for the entire class. On his bottom, he had on tight trousers, that he had tucked into knee high socks. But the coup de grâce was that said pants had a HUGE hole in the centre of the backside meaning that we all got to see his underpants.

Oh. Dear.

I´m beginning to think that my goal of marrying a male flamenco dancer may have been misjudged.

But I´d be happy to be proved wrong... And if Israel Galván is currently single, well, I wouldn´t say no!

Advice Part 31- Taming the untameable

Confession- I am always jealous when someone says that they are having a "bad hair day". Why? Because such a statement implies that they have at least SOME hair days which are not bad.....

Oh, how I envy them! I would be happy for JUST ONE day of decent looking hair.

My advice to young players is that if, like me, you have somewhat recalcitrant hair, don't even bother trying to change it, unless you have time and money to burn.

How do I know this? Read on.....

At the end of every year, the flamenco dance studio I attend puts on a concert. We all have to perform, and make sure we are attired in "genuine flamenco style."

Including "genuine flamenco hair."

This creates a major problem for me, given that "genuine flamenco hair" is long, straight, shiny and held back in a bun. In contrast, my own hair is short and curly, and strongly resembles that of Robert Smith from The Cure.

But worse.

In order to create my "genuine flamenco look", I borrowed my friend's hair straightener, and set to work. I mean, how hard could it be?

Answer-harder than I thought. After 30 minutes with the straightening iron, and half a can of hairspray, I had coaxed it into a semi-straight form. BUT as soon as I had smoothed it all down, it promptly curled back up again! Trying to get it straight was an unending task, like the men who paint the Harbour Bridge- as soon as one part is done, you have to go back to the beginning again and redo the bits which have started disintegrating.

Consequently, I arrived at the concert looking an absolute fright, once again beaten into submission by my uncontrollable hair.

Next year, I'm wearing a wig. Or maybe I'll join a The Cure tribute band instead.