Advice Part 98- If you like big butts

There are few things more positive for the self-esteem than receiving a sincere compliment from a random stranger. It takes considerable courage to approach somebody you don't know, and tell them that you like their hair/shoes/bag/new shirt.

But my advice to young players is that there are some things you should NOT comment on. No matter how admirable they are. And one of these things is a person's bottom.

How do I know this? Read on....

Yesterday, I was heading home after my yoga class. As I couldn't be bothered getting changed for the short train ride back, I headed to the station in my yoga attire (consisting of a very long, very unsexy T-shirt and saggy baggy pants-NOT like these).

I have done this at least a hundred times before with no issues, and I didn't expect anything this time, either.

Big mistake.

All was fine and dandy until I heard uproarious sniggering behind me. Looking around, I saw two guys in their early twenties laughing their heads off, and pointing at my backside. When they saw me watching them, one immediately burst into a rousing rendition of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby got back."

Sample lyrics- "I like big butts and I cannot lie" and "I want them real thick and juicy." The singing was sporadically interrupted by huge snorts of laughter and cries of "shake it", directed towards me.

I was FURIOUS. 

HOW DARE THEY MAKE FUN OF MY BUM?????!!!!!! MY bum! My BUM! MY BUM!!! (etc etc)

Certainly, it could be argued that Sir Mix-a-Lot (the Shakespeare of our modern age, perhaps?) presents a rather, err, positive view of round backsides. And by singing it at me, perhaps the young knights at Newtown station wished to convey their appreciation of my rump in the only way they knew how?

OK, I don't dispute this. However, what this comment fails to acknowledge is that Sir Mix-a-Lot's tale of booty is directed at women with VERY LARGE backsides. And I most certainly don't like strangers at the station pointing out to all and sundry that I have a fat bum. Even if I do. Comparatively speaking.

Instead of "shak(ing) that healthy butt", as my fans exhorted me, I promptly sat down to block their view of my notable posterior, and gave them my very own patented death stare.

That put an end to that.

All I can say is, if you do like big butts, you don't have to lie. But maybe keep your opinions to yourself at the station.

(P.S. This video is great. Check out the lady dancing from 2:46 onward!)

Advice Part 15- Compliments

Compliments- they're generally thought to be pleasant things, right?

I agree. But unfortunately, I have a TOTAL inability to accept a compliment....

My advice to young players is to follow the old adage, and "do as I say, not as I do." If someone gives you a compliment, the best response is to say "Thanks", rather than questioning the compliment giver's sanity.....

Case in point for what NOT to do. Recently, I bought a new dress to wear to work. It was reduced by 50% in the sales, and although it wasn't the sort of thing I would typically buy (hell, it was EVEN ABOVE MY KNEES!!!), I decided to purchase it.

I have worn the dress 5 times since then. And EVERY TIME someone has complimented me on it.

This is nice, but my BIG PROBLEM is that I am simply unable to accept a compliment graciously. Instead, this is what typically happens:

• Complimenter: Wow, I like your dress. It's really cute.
• Me: Ha ha ha, you're joking, aren't you?
• Complimenter: No, I'm not joking. It's nice.
• Me: Maybe from that angle. But you should see it from the back.
• Complimenter (heading to the rear): It looks fine from the back! 
• Me: You don't think it's too short?
• Complimenter: NO! It's not too short. It's a nice dress. That's all.
• Me: Hmm.

Needless to say, after this sort of exchange, an awkward silence tends to descend.....

My aim is to learn to say "Thanks", and shut up. But I think it's going to be a LONG journey....