Advice Part 93- "Just a little taste"

I am the first to admit that I MAY have a few flaws in my character. Well, more than a few. "An absolute mountain" would be a more accurate description of the number of annoying little quirks I possess. Some of which are more troubling than others.

But, in the interest of brevity (and the interest of interest, too), today I have chosen to focus on one fault in particular.

My advice to young players is that if you are dining out with me as your companion, it is best to keep a VERY close eye on your food. Or to order a VERY large portion.

Let me explain.....

I am one of those people who is almost always on a diet. My weight tends to fluctuate wildly, and I veer from periods of relative thinness to states of what could euphemistically be described as "portliness", where the so-called saddlebags on my thighs could keep Don Quixote fed and watered for the duration of his adventures.

But enough self-hate. For the moment.

When I'm on a "diet", I take great delight in piously ordering healthy lunches. Just a fruit salad for me. With a bottle of water. And if I'm really lashing out, I might even have some yoghurt! Or perhaps a salad sandwich!

!!!!!

Whilst this sort of order satisfies my pious urges, it tends not to satisfy the appetite. Whose urges are significantly stronger, as I have discovered.

Hence, in my deprivation, I have developed a rather unattractive habit of stealing my dining companions' food, under the pretext of having "just a little taste." Are they wedges on your plate? You don't mind if I take a few, do you? And ooh, that hamburger smells DELICIOUS! What's the sauce like? I can have a try? Why, thank you! What a shame that you're feeling full, and can't finish that (insert name of flagrantly unhealthy and fattening food here). I hate to see things go to waste, so I'll just have a few bites. If you don't mind, of course....

I like to think of myself as a modern day "food taster", trying out the food to make sure it's not poisoned before the buyer eats it. Look, I'm providing a service here!

I am fortunate in that most of my regular dining companions are aware of my nasty food thieving habit, and order in the knowledge that I am probably going to "contribute" to the eating of their meal. This is JUST the way I like it. And naturally, I am MORE than happy to share my limp and limpid lettuce leaves in return, although, truth be told, I haven't had too many requests.

If anyone is interested, hot chips are my favourite.