Advice Part 46- Taxi Drivers

On my Spanish sojourn, I have frequently had a large distance to travel from the bus/train stop to my hotel. Consequently, I have had ample recourse to make use of providores of personal automotive services.

Otherwise known as "taxi drivers."

My advice to young players is that taxi drivers are an unusual species, and are best approached with considerable caution.

How do I know this? Read on....

On Friday, I wanted to catch a taxi from Granada train station to the city centre, a distance of about 3km. I flagged down a cab, mumbled my destination in my (VERY poor Spanish), and off we went.

I imagined that it would be a fast and stress-free journey.

Not so.

My driver was one of those gentlemen who LOVE to chat. He opened by commenting on the hot weather, to which I gave a non-committal reply. Then he moved on to asking me about where I had been with my suitcase.

At this stage, I told him that I couldn´t speak (much) Spanish, which I assumed would stop the barrage.

But no. If anything, it just made him talk MORE. All I had to do was stay awake, and nod occasionally, and he seemed delighted. I guess having a captive audience, especially one who couldn´t disagree with him, was ideal.

Consequently, on the ten minute trip, I learnt about

• the Granada bullfighting season; 
• the best place to buy ice cream in town; 
• which architectural styles the driver particularly liked;
• why drivers of big buses are crazy; and
• that Granada is the best city in Spain.

When I tried to contribute, and tell him that the city was indeed beautiful, he became quite annoyed, and insisted I be quiet because he wouldn´t be able to finish talking before we reached our destination.

At this stage, I realised that resistance was futile, and just shut up.

Unfortunately, this isn´t the first "unusual taxi driver" incident I´ve had. In fact, it pales into insignificance compaired to some of the trips I´ve taken in Sydney (but that´s another story entirely.....)

All I can say is, thank god it was only a 10 minute trip. And I guess I should be glad it wasn´t Robert De Niro driving....

Advice Part 45‐ Why you shouldn't trust your guidebook

If you are anything like me, when you go to a place that you´ve never been before, you may find yourself heavily relying on your mass produced tourist guidebook, which amusingly promises to reveal all the secret places “off the beaten track” which no one has ever discovered before.

No one, that is, apart from the other million or so people who have also bought the book.


Yes, Lonely Planet, I'm looking at you.

But my advice for your players is that you shouldn't bother trusting your guidebook, as most of the advice given is pretty unreliable anyway.


How do I know this? Read on.....


Last week, I was in Jerez, and I decided to go on a day trip to Cadiz. I took my guidebook along with me, and got it out on the train.

I soon realised that the couple sitting opposite me were quite interested in what I was doing, and the lady asked if she could have a look at the guide.


“Sure, no worries” I replied, and handed over the book.


The woman then opened up the page on Jerez, and had a look at the restaurant and cafe recommendations. 


And burst out laughing.


The following conversation ensued....

• Lady (reading from guidebook): “Visitors to Jerez should first visit Restaurant X on Y street”
• Man: “Ha ha ha! NO ONE would eat there.”
• Lady: “I know! But then it recommends Restaurant Z if you want a romantic night”
• Man: “Romantic? That's ridiculous. Do they mention Restaurant A?”
• Lady: “No.”
• Man: “Restaurant B?”
• Lady: “No.”
• Man: “This book is terrible” (turning to me). “I've lived in Jerez for years, and no local would ever go to those places. Only tourists. Who've read this book." 
• Me: “Hmmm. Thanks.”

To be honest, this didn't exactly strike me as a surprise. I've followed a few guidebook recommendations before, and found them totally unsatisfying. But it was good to have confirmation of what I had long suspected.


Next time I leave my hotel, the guidebook is NOT coming with me.

Advice Part 44- Male flamenco dancers....and their fashion

So, I am currently in Spain for a holiday. And as we all know, one of my secondary goals for the trip is to bring home a hot male flamenco dancer. That´s a JOKE, by the way! But, what the hell, here´s an opportunity to put in a picture of Israel Galván....

However, in the days I have been here, I have reached the unfortunate conclusion that many men who dance flamenco are somewhat lacking in sartorial splendour.


Hence, my advice to young players is that if you are

• tempted to go to Spain; 
• enrol in a flamenco dancing class, and  
• you are on the lookout for a hot male flamenco dancer

then prepare yourself for some rather interesting fashion....

How do I know this? Read on.....

On Sunday, I started my first flamenco dancing class. And when I saw the males in the room, I was seriously concerned that I had accidentally crashed a dress up party....

Leading the charge was the teacher.....He was wearing tracksuit pants, but over the top, he had put on a pair of voluminous purple pantaloons, of the kind you would wear to a pirate soiree. I assumed maybe these pants were integral to the teaching of flamenco, but no- that was just the way he rolled, so to speak.

But the teacher´s fashion seemed positively conservative compared to that of two of the male students....

Student Number One was continuing the "costume party theme", and had attired himself in a tight set of black overalls, a la Super Mario, but without the moustache.

But Student Number Two took the cake. He also had the pirate look going on, but he had taken it up a notch, and crossed it with that of a porn star. He had on a V-necked T-shirt, whose V reached down to his navel, meaning that everyone was forced to look at his chest for the entire class. On his bottom, he had on tight trousers, that he had tucked into knee high socks. But the coup de grâce was that said pants had a HUGE hole in the centre of the backside meaning that we all got to see his underpants.

Oh. Dear.

I´m beginning to think that my goal of marrying a male flamenco dancer may have been misjudged.

But I´d be happy to be proved wrong... And if Israel Galván is currently single, well, I wouldn´t say no!